The aftermath of yaoi
by Blahsblah2001
Summary: Anybody who's into yaoi may have picked up this pattern. Or, why Gojyo has an hour to live. GojyoSanzo NC, had to up the rating...
1. Chapter 1

Okay. If you're not into Yaoi, you might as well leave right now.

If you are into Yaoi, you may have noticed that Sanzo gets raped. A lot.

Leaving Kougaiji out of it, I just sorta wondered

Which is stupid, for various reasons… and thinking of these reasons gave me the idea to write this.

Thank you for putting up with me.

Saiyuki copyright Kazuya Minekura.

* * *

Sha Gojyo, the great Sex Idol. Sha Gojyo, the great Woman Magnet. 

Sha Gojyo was in deep shit.

At best, he estimated he had an hour to live.

Because that's when Sanzo would wake up.

Presumably, the monk would want to be untied. And then he would want his gun back. And as soon as he got it back, death would happen. Lots of it.

The fact that Sanzo was probably hung over, as well as having a pretty sore ass, wouldn't hinder him at all. As Gojyo had pointed out many times before, it isn't too hard to point a gun and fire it. Hell, the monk could probably do it from the bed.

Assuming Gojyo ever untied him, that is. Which he might not.

He hadn't really been planning on ever untying him the night before. Then again, the night before he hadn't planned on doing much other than keeping the monk's hands where they wouldn't do any damage.

Over his head, near the headboard, seemed like a nice, neutral place. So that's where they went.

And stayed.

And still were.

Now that he looked at it, Gojyo assumed that they would be pretty much numb for the half hour after he untied them. Which extended his lifespan quite a bit.

Assuming the monk didn't decide to just Cuss Him to Death.

He'd tried that one too, last night, right after his hands had been rendered useless by the silk cords and his legs by the considerable weight of a kappa sitting on them.

And since having him wake up the whole town with his… extensive… vocabulary would have put a dent in Gojyo's plans, he had been forced to gag the blonde, too.

The gag, at least, seemed to have vanished at some point.

It occurred to him to wonder where the hell he had pulled all this stuff from, but hey, cords were cords and when you need them you don't wonder where they came from.

Sanzo moved in his sleep, as much as he could without moving his arms. He mumbled something, too.

Gojyo might have just been paranoid, but he could have sword the mumbled gibberish had something to do with murdering him.  
Half an hour to live.

The sun was rising over the little in. The sun was coming in through the window...and landing directly on Sanzo. He would not have  
appreciated the cheery warmth. Twenty nine minutes.

"Fucking kappa…"

Maybe less.

* * *

W00t for me!  
If anybody likes this… maybe I'll write the chappie where he actually wakes up. Flames are appreciated as much as reviews. If I suck, I'd like to know about it. 


	2. Chapter 2

I just read the reviews on this… I've had a request for a 'plot or porn or something.' Either or. Whichever works. Laughed my ass off, I did. Sorry for you hopefulls, but I'd kinda like to not start writing actual porn until after I get my driver's license. THEN the party shall begin.

* * *

The normal thought process for Sanzo in the morning goes something like this:  
Awake. Need cigarette. Find cigarette. Light cigarette.  
Okay. Now where am I and how did I get here?  
Once that information is obtained, he can focus on more important things, like hauling his lazy- assed campanions out of their respective dreams/ nightmares and forcing them out onto the road for another day.

* * *

Today was a bit different. It went something like this:  
Awake. Damn, my ass hurts. Need cigarette. Find Cigarette.  
Can't move arms. Hmm….  
Might have to skip cigarette and go straight for the alcohol.  
… can't get alcohol. Still can't move arms.  
Where am I and how did I get here?  
I'm in some bedroom, and I got here by…  
THAT FUCKING KAPPA IS GONNA DIE!

* * *

Just so you know where he's coming from for this chapter.

* * *

Dark purple eyes glared at Gojyo. If looks could kill, the red- haired man would have simply disintegrated on the spot.  
"Untie me. Now."  
Gojyo was then stuck in the awkward position of Decision. Would he untie the monk and face instant death, or wait a while?  
No, that would just make him madder.  
"Where the hell did you put my gun?"  
"Like I'm gonna tell you! You'll put half a dozen caps in my ass."  
"Damn straight. Now untie me."  
Well, someone was feeling blunt today.  
"I don't think I will."  
"So you're just going to leave me here forever?"  
"Quite possibly."  
Sanzo studied his face very closely, trying to decide if he was serious. He didn't think so, but he hadn't thought the kappa would actually jump him, either.  
And what the fuck is with these ROPES?  
He gave them a tug, which did no good at all. Of course it didn't. If he could get out of them just by pulling, they would have slipped off last night. God knows he'd pulled enough. Heck, just the leftover force from all that POUNDING would have…  
Not gonna think about that.  
Not gonna think about anything that happened or how good or bad it felt…  
Not gonna think about how it felt to have Gojyo inside-  
NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THAT.  
Dammit, there must be SOME way to get these off.  
A sudden thought occurred to him.  
"What happened to the sutra?"  
"Huh? Oh.. I dunno. I think it's around here somewhere…"  
Gojyo rifled through the piles of clothing on the ground. Sanzo saw his own jeans and suddenly wondered with horror exactly what he was- or wasn't- wearing under the blankets.  
"It's right here. Totally fine, Mr. Pessimist."  
"Put it down."  
"Why?"  
"Because I don't want your grubby half- breed fingers all over it."  
Gojyo seriously considered licking it. Heck, maybe the priest's head would explode and save him the trouble of having to run away.  
This thought must have shown on his face, because Sanzo's skin, if possible, got paler.  
"Whatever you're thinking about, stop."  
"You give a lot of orders for somebody who's still tied to my bed."  
The thought of licking things was making Gojyo more confident. This cockiness wasn't helping his lifespan one bit.  
"You're going to die as soon as I get out of this."  
"Doesn't give me much incentive to let you out then, does it?"  
Sanzo didn't say anything to that.  
"Actually," Gojyo continued, sliding back onto the bed, "If I'm gonna die, I'm entitled to a last lay, aren't I?"  
Hate was replaced by panic as Sanzo kicked out at the kappa, who dodged it easily. And ended up straddling him for the second time.  
"I'm gonna fucking KILL-"  
Gojyo cut him off the best way he knew how.


	3. Chapter 3

Yeah… OOC ness but I don't care anymore. I like this too much for my own good… I'm corrupting MYSELF, dammit! And this Chapter dedicated to my main Emu out there. (Because I'm not allowed to put up actual names.)

* * *

There was something in those purple eyes... that Gojyo had never seen before. It wasn't the usual anger, or even arrogance.

It was panic. Pure, straight panic.

As quickly as it had appeared, the look vanished, and was replaced by a look of rage that made the monk's usual death-glare look amiable by comparison. Gojyo decided that the blonde was probably contemplating the many ways of killing him when this was over.

"Tell you what," he said, turning on his charm as much as he possibly could without being drunk, "How about I make you a deal?"

"How about I make you one? You untie me, I shoot your head off, and we're even."

"No, I have a better idea." He reached above their heads to where one of Sanzo's hands was still secured. Drawing one finger slowly down the inside of the blonde's forearm, he continued. "How about I fuck you into the mattress one last time, then run for my life? Of course, that would require that I leave you here… you'll probably be unconscious again. Too bad, because the look on Hakkai's face is going to be priceless."

The panic returned. A little more pressing, and hopefully it would turn to desperation.

"Or maybe it'll be Goku? Wouldn't that be interesting… I wonder how he'd react?"

His hand had reached the end of Sanzo's arm, but continued very slowly downwards to his stomach. For somebody who never ate and didn't do much other than shoot things, the blonde had a remarkably nice body.

"He has a thing for you, you know. But I think he's a bit too innocent to take advantage of a situation like this…"

His fingers hit the top of the blanket, which came just up to Sanzo's navel.

Well, that was much too high…

He started to push it down. Every muscle in Sanzo's body tensed, forcing themselves not to move. A slight smell of blood traced through the air. If not for his demon senses, Gojyo wouldn't have noticed it at all. Searching for the source, he discovered that the monk had bitten his bottom lip almost clear through.

"Or," he continued, a little faster than he wanted to, "I could untie you, give you back your clothes, and then we can never speak of this again. But that would depend on you not shooting me."

Neither choice really appealed to Sanzo. He really wanted to blow the damn kappa's head off (big _or_ little, it didn't matter much at that point) but he also didn't want anyone to know this had happened.

Ever.

"Give me my damn clothes back," he finally grunted.

"That's what I thought you'd say," Gojyo answered, grinning. Hey, he wasn't gonna die, and he'd gotten a half decent lay out of it, too.

He didn't tell Sanzo where he'd hidden the gun, though.

Under the blonde's piercing purple glare, he worked at the knot on his left hand. Man, these things were TIGHT! How hard had Sanzo been pulling? If the leather arm protectors hadn't still been there, the cord might have cut through his skin.

Finally he got the cord untied, and Sanzo yanked his hand away from the Kappa, to begin working on the other himself.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'm going to kill you. If you get any ideas like this again, I'm going to castrate you and then kill you. And if you make any stupid jokes or witty comments to me about this, I will castrate you, make you eat yourself, and THEN kill you."

"You didn't have fun, then?" Gojyo asked, never missing the opportunity to be an ass.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?"

"Aw, lighten up, Sanzo- sama. You were much more pleasant last night. I wonder what it was?"

"Give me my fucking pants back. Now."

Picking up half a dozen articles of clothing off the floor, the kappa threw them at the bed.

Little creepings of guilt returned, and Gojyo pretended to focus on his cigarette as the monk got dressed.

"You leave first, since you get up earlier," Gojyo said.

"I was planning on it."

Limping just a little bit, Sanzo passed the kappa, heading for the door. Then, as if having a second thought, he turned back, and looked right into Gojyo's eyes.

And punched him in the stomach, just low enough not to be below the belt.

"Be glad I don't have my gun, asshole."

And with that, he left the whimpering redhead alone.

Owari

* * *

Okay, so that wasn't exactly where I was going with this. But ah well. I just wanted to make fun of stories like this and then I wrote one. I'm so bad…. (Cheers from GojyoSanzo fans)

Originally I was going to have Gojyo get killed, (Cheers from Sanzo fans) but he's my 2nd favorite character right after Goku, so I didn't. (Cheers from Gojyo fans)

And, of course, the very important Sanzo abuse. (Cheers from Sanzo Abuse fans) Can't have yaoi without Sanzo Abuse.


End file.
